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It was always gonna happen. I’m a woman, women moan about men a lot and sometimes Christmas really does magnify their ineptitude! It’s amazing it’s taken this long, to be honest, but here it is, a post about men...and the way Christmas shopping seems to melt their brains...
Actually, I would be a bit of a hypocrite if I laid into men soley for last minute buying, as I also intend to do my Christmas shopping on Christmas Eve this year...but at least I have some kind of an idea of what I’m going to do. A plan of attack, if you will. I know who I need to buy items for, I’ve listened to hints all year long and taken notice of the things people like and dislike, and I pretty much know what stores will be useful and which will not. Men, on the other hand, probably wouldn’t notice a hint if a ready-circled picture got up out of the catalogue and stapled itself to their foreheads!
I know that we’re difficult and that we’re never happy with what you buy us...what are you, psychic...but it’s not like we don’t make it easy! Staring bright-eyed at the Chanel No 5 advert proclaiming, “oh I’d love some Chanel to wear with my nice new dress” isn’t exactly subtle! So why, WHY is it so difficult for you? And why do you leave it so late?!
John Lewis has reported an increase in sales of traditional man-woman presents, such as lingerie and fragrance, over the last seven days, and expects this week to be busier than last. Great, so while I’m out shopping on Christmas Eve, I’ll expect to run into a herd of wild-eyed blokes sweating and staring at the jewellery counter waiting for inspiration, then.
That’s assuming the last minute gifting will result in a purchase, anyway. The ‘net tells me that many man are turning to scrap booking this year! Making scrap books! Do I even need to go into the dangers of this!?
1: What if you make the scrapbook too short...and what if you make it too long?
Too short, and the woman might realise you’ve had very little mutual experiences, too long and she might spot a pattern...“he takes me to that restaurant all the time, it’s all too routine...maybe its time for a change...OF MAN”. Get my drift.
2: NO. PHOTOS. You must not, under any circumstances, use photos that have previously never been out of the drawer. There is a reason. She probably thinks she looks fat, or that her hair is hideous in them! Leave them there. Stick to ticket stubs.
3: Unless you do it really well, she’s just going to know that, though possibly sentimental and even romantic, you are also a cheap git.
Maybe that’s not really fair. Your genetically dictated lack of multi-tasking and organisational skills means you were always going to fail, and I do realise that women are very hard to please, but preparations can be made.
Seriously fellas, next year, start early. In fact, if you’re that into the idea of making scrap books, why not go the whole hog and make a flipping list! Write down things that she mentions, note her favourite colours and fragrances, the stores she likes to shop in and how much she spends on you...you’ll be amazed at how easy shopping will be NEXT Christmas Eve!
And just a tip - no, a gift voucher won’t get rid of all your problems! Unless you think sex is a problem, because you won’t be seeing any of that for a while when she discovers what she thought were plane tickets to New York is actually a £20 gift card from Next.
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